Friday, November 5, 2010

So i kinda feel bad...

I neglected my readers tonight.  

I apologize for not having something here for you all to point and laugh at but it was my little brothers birthday and i spent it hanging out with family.  Next week i will be right back on the train of daily posts!  Oh and by the way, as of writing this, i have had 4 posts in 4 days with almost 100 page views!  My goal is to have over 1000 by post 25!!!  Help me out everyone and link my blog to your friends or anyone you think may like it!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Today is about slutty women, how much we all hate them, how bad we want to punch them, and why we date them anyway...

Foreword:  I would like to note that I'm not sure why my post decided to space itself the way it did.  I'm very frustrated at it.  Sorry.

So this is my first posting that has been requested.  The request was made by a friend of mine.  Because of this, what i say wont be as generic as it normally is and will use very specific examples.  If you cant relate and you hate this post, your probably good friends with the type of skank I'm about to describe.  Or you ARE said skank.  Either way, i hope you do enjoy the severe slandering of a LOT of women's character. 

First of all, whether you be a man or a woman, being a GOOD skank takes work.  Its rare to me when i find a person who is worthy to carry the title.  Why is it, ladies and gentleman, that you cant stick by the one love struck fuck who GENUINELY cares about you?  He gives everything, asks for nothing, and you tax his ass dry and go and swing on the next penis to come dangling by? C'mon people, your not THAT stupid are you?  If you are, this story I'm about to spin is true.  Pay close attention and don't worry, this one has a happy ending.

So lets start at the beginning of your tale.  First off you meet a guy.    Hes an amazing guy and treats you like a princess.  MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  That was his first mistake.  Assuming you had a soul.  That'll teach him.  Just cheating on him would be WAY too easy though.  You have the perfect plan lined up!  Gather around kids, lets watch...

A couple years go by and you trick this innocent man into falling in love with you.  He does pretty much whatever you need him to do.  Not because hes some sap or hes desperate.  Because your en evil, conniving, twisted bitch who refused to let him see who you really are.  (I'm gonna pause the story for a minute.  I'm sorry children just calm down well get right back to it.  If you have never heard of this demon wench before, chances are, you ARE her.  If you ARE, quit giving your evil secrets to honest, decent women.  I'm tired of meeting you bitches.)  Look kids the witch has an idea!  Shes going to cheat on her boyfriend!  YAY!!!  Whats that you ask?  Will she hide it really well so he doesn't find out?  I have a feeling shes WAY too slutty for that, but lets keep reading!  So you start hanging out with your brother-in-laws brother (or cousin, or some other really close relative that's going to make this awkward and creepy from here on out). Innocent friendship. Gotta love it

BAM!  Just like that your taking it in the butt from this guy while your boyfriend is secretly starting to hate you because your not even TRYING to hide it.  Not ONLY are you not trying to hide it, you think the guy you KINDA know, is better for you so you split your legs and pray to the gods that this thin dick 2-minute man comes through for you.  Sorry ladies, he wont.  What you will be left with is the sad realization that the guy your cheating on is in fact, the only guy who could ever truly love your sorry ass for what it is.  Fortunately for this one, he saw it coming and no longer gives a shit. 

So what is it about people like you that drives you to cause pain like this?  Men and women alike.  Is it the severe desire to make people hate you?  Or maybe you want everyone around you to call you whore.  Not even behind your back either.  Have friends ever randomly started calling you a slut and every time a slut (or whore, prostitute, whatever random noun describes you.... you skank...) joke is made, people start looking at you?  Guess what?  Your vagina has merged with a black hole to achieve supernatural one-ness.  Congrats. 

So back to the story at hand.  Your NOW ex boyfriend, for some idiotic reason, decided to stay friends with you.  Probably because you agreed to give him head whenever he wants.  Meh, its good and hes not complaining.  (would any of us?  Say yes and your gay.  I don't care how slutty she is.)  On top of that hes still trying to be civil with you and that's just out of the goodness of his heart.  You begin getting close again because you go to him with everything. 

GOTCHA BITCH!  Your taking it in the ass (again?  Really?  ugh....  Just typing this makes me want to club baby seals...) from the same ass backwards relative not trying to hide it from the guy who wasted 4 years on you.  YES!  YOU WIN AT LIFE!  Now please go end yours.  Your done.  You have accomplished your goal of completely destroying the (albeit forgiving and generous) retard who thought you had a shred of human decency.  

See, its shit like this that makes me wonder how some of you weren't beat.  Not as children. Like, yesterday.  How did you get through your day without getting socked in your mouth?  YOUR the reason for domestic violence.  Your lucky i don't beat you like i beat my mother!  And that topic isn't even FUNNY!  (its really not don't laugh at that shit...) I guess that it takes people like you to guide us to the amazing people in this world.  Its people like you that help us appreciate the love we have in our life.  I'm just sad to see that you get out of it scott free.  If he would have beat your ass, i would have backed him up on the self defense plea.  Your ass had it coming...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Fuck you and everything you stand for...

I'm pretty sure that the next hate ad for politicians will be something along the lines of the above title for this post.  I did my love rant yesterday and i felt that i needed to give the elections their just due time in the spotlight.  First off, if your a politician, or you plan on becoming one, i wish to say wholeheartedly, fuck you and everything you stand for.  Did your mother tell you that you could be president of the USA if you wanted to be?  Fuck you for trying to go that route.  And fuck her for encouraging you.  If your REALLY right wing, i hate you.  If your REALLY left wing, i wish you and that right wing guy would falcon punch each other right in the baby makers and save me the time.  If your liberal or any of that other crap that doesn't fall into the aforementioned categories, go get dipped in acid for trying to be one of a kind and unique when in all actuality, your a bigger idiot then the rest.

Now that my hate mongering is over (for now) ill speak to everyone else who like me, doesn't give 2 shits.  You people who find this more amusing then offensive.  Oh yeah speaking of that, if you find this offensive, i hate you more the right wing guy i talked about earlier.  And i REALLY hate that guy...  OK back to the point.  For everyone who laughs at this because they don't care, did you vote?  Not for the people, to hell with the people.  The issues.  The only REAL thing worth voting for.  If you didn't vote and you claim a political party, i hope you die.  How do you HONESTLY claim to be a part of something you don't actively participate in?  I personally hate politics if you couldn't tell.  I cant stand politicians.  No matter who or what you vote for, every single one of them goes into office with their own personal agendas.  The only people they keep their promises too are the rich people the helped them get into office.  For this reason, i don't vote for people.  Having said that, i vote for THINGS.

New laws and the like.  The only way to rebel against a politician in power is to not let any law they endorse make it through.  Almost every tax EVER has passed in front of voter's noses.  If you don't vote on those things you have no right to complain later.  Let me take California for example.  The infamous PROPOSITION 19.   (Its a brighter green to emphasize the pot reference).  This is the controversial bill that, if passed, would legalize recreational marijuana.  If you live in California, smoke pot illegally, and did NOT vote yes on Prop. 19 then i vote that we roll you douche bags up in paper towels and light you stoner dip shits on fire.  its people like you that make this system not work.  If you honestly don't smoke and don't want the law to be passed and you voted no, then i applaud the fact that you have acted on your beliefs.  I have read many places that it is believed proposition 19 did not pass because millions (yeah... fucking millions) who would have voted YES didn't even show up to the polls to vote.

So, after 24+ hours of election coverage, this political season is finally over.  Tons of people are pissed, tons of people are happy, and tons more are smoking happy little trees not giving a shit because between yesterday and today, nothing has changed.  Nothing.  "We have a new TAX!!!" Shut up, you pay 15 cents more for that candy bar your going to shove in your fat mouth. Quit drooling and look at it as a way to reduce childhood obesity.  "Our new senator is pro life!!!"  Yeah but the other ones aren't gonna come within one million miles of any law regarding abortion so your safe to keep being a whore.  "Pot still isn't legal!!!" That's because you got too damn baked and forgot to vote yes for it you retard.

"Too Long; Didn't Read" version:  Politics is the most useless subject to televise.  I'm just thankful Cartoon Network wasn't affected...

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

This ones for my friends...

I have been asked a lot by my friends to give my views on love.  I have a firm belief that there are some people in this world who are meant to never love.  Honestly, its an emotion i don't believe I have ever fully felt. Its a strange emotion to me.  I believe there are some people in this world that are destined to never have true love and whether or not this is my role, i have accepted it proudly.  OK, now lets get into the meat of this one.

Everyone in this world looks for true love.  Whether it be heterosexual or homosexual, everyone is just looking for love.  The problem is, people are looking for EASY love.  Love that just, "comes naturally and flows easily".  In all seriousness... That's bullshit.  Your never going to find it.  If you have it right now, one of you is cheating on the other.  I'm sorry but that's the way it works.  If your not the one cheating then I'm sorry.  If it makes you feel any better, hes probably thinking of you while hes having sex with her.  Then again, hes probably calling her all kinds of crude demeaning names he wishes he could call you to your face but cant so he takes it out on her...  I digress... Love sucks and is NOT easy.

Now i want you to think about the one you "love".  Do you argue?  Do you get into fights over stupid meaningless bullshit that in all reality mean little to nothing to anyone?  Do you "play wrestle", hit him in the nuts and then say it was an accident (when we ALL know it was no fuckin accident...)?  Do you sometimes wish zombies would take over the world and bite them first JUST so you have a valid reason to shoot them in the face?

Now i want you to keep thinking about the one you "love".  Do you hate the fact that no matter how hard you try you can never stay mad at them?  Are you disgusted with the idea that when they piss you off the most, you know that they are the only person who is able to make you feel better?  Do you hate the fact that no matter how hard you yell and scream and no matter what was said, you want them to hold you and tell you everything is OK?

Do you wake up every day knowing your going to put every once of blood sweat and tears into your relationship?  Do you start stupid arguments just to prove that you care for them no matter what happens?

That's love.  Hating the fact that you love someone and would give your life for them whether they ask it or not.  Love is hating someone so much that you would kill anyone who got in your way of tormenting them.  You have to wake up with the mentality that your going to make your significant other fall in love with you AGAIN each and every single day.  Without THAT much dedication, it will never last.  If you cant look deep within yourself and find the words that i have written then you don't truly love the person you are with.  I challenge you to let your spouse or mate read this and see what they say.  I challenge you to start a serious fight and see how devoted they are to working it out.  I challenge you to prove your "love".  Tomorrow i want you to come back and read this after taking my challenge.  Re-read the whole thing.  Take the challenge again.  Then, two days from now, read it again.  Keep reading this every day of your life if you need motivation to prove that what you have is real.  Show it to the world.  If you honestly own a piece of true love, share it with the world.  Slap your lonely single neighbor in the face with it and fuck on his front porch.  What I'm getting at is, show it off.  What you have is real and unique.  And if your still not sure if what you have is real... If you and your partner don't argue... If you and your partner are just "made for each other"... Snap out of it and come back to reality.  Love is fucking terrible.  Enjoy the hell out of it.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Number one. Time to get this thing out of the way...

First off, if you don't like what your reading you can kiss my ass and click the little red X.  This isn't for you to criticize or try to extrapolate some random theories about how emo i am or how much i hate the world.  Actually, this is quite the contrary.  I love the world.  I happen to dislike a lot of the people on it though.  In case your wondering if you fall into that category, let me break it down.  If you breathe in Oxygen, have a pulse, walk on two feet, and consider yourself even REMOTELY human;  Chances are high that i don't like you.  Its nothing personal.  Your just all irritating and stupid and i cant stand being around most of you.  Having said all this, i crave human interaction.  I enjoy being around people who i get to look down upon.  Not because i feel that I'm entitled to, or that i have a right to.  Its just that at the end of the day, your an idiot and i will do everything in my power to prove it to you many, many times.  Now i understand that a lot of people reading this wont quite understand where I'm going with all this and that's OK.  Let this soar far above your heads so that i may laugh at you more.  To everyone who can read these words and see them for what they are, i beg you to come sit with me.  Chat it up.  Have a conversation with me.  Picking the brains of everyone i meet is something i love to do and if you can read through these words and smile through the anger.  If my words make you laugh at the thought that someone out there in this world reads this and gets angry.  If you keep coming back to my page wondering who or what in this world i will love to hate tomorrow.  Congratulations.  You are now a member of the Natural Selection of people who love to hate.  Who laugh at anger.  Who smile at pain.  You are the people in this world that make a difference.  You are the people that i live to interact with.  Everyone in between?  I call those commercials.

I wrote this and decided that if anyone read this they would probably have questions.  Or maybe, if I'm lucky, some hate mail.  Oh how i would love some hate mail...  If you do have anything of the sort, feel free to comment.  I have no problems answering EVERY person who feels the urge to parse through my brain to figure out how it works.  Id love nothing more then to let you into my world.  I will write every day because i feel that talking, even if just to myself, keeps me sane.